My Butt Dialing Frenzy

This week, I had the worst day of butt dialing, EVER! My butt is out to kill me, I just know it. It started as such a nice day, too.

First, a friend that I had been in a recent, loud and emotional argument with, sends me this text, “I just received a voice message from you. Should I listen to it?”

“I left you a voice message?”, I replied hesitantly.

This was my first indication that my butt had been busy. We laughed it off as pesky butt dialing and rang off.

I next get a text from a phone number I did not recognize and all it says is, “I’m here.” OK, I bite and reply, “Who’s here?”.

I get no response. Now comes an email from Uber Receipts with a $7 charge for a ‘No Show’. Now, just how in the hell could my butt have ordered an Uber for me. I don’t know but it had figured out a way. I’m about to contact Uber and complain about their ‘No Show’ policy and ask how can they have the nerve to authorize my butt to charge on my Uber account, and the phone rings, again.

It is the California Highway Patrol asking about my imminent danger and if there was no threat, then why had I called 911 and hung up on them. They were about to dispatch a fleet of patrol cars to come to my rescue. When the dispatcher learned that this was all part of my butt’s conspiracy against me, he was not too pleased about how I was wasting the the time and money of the good people of California.

I think it’s about time I learned how to lock my screen and give my butt a good talking to.

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