The John Barleycorn Group W bench

Arlo Gutherie had an epic song that also tells the story about a certain Thanksgiving at a restaurant called Alice's where one could get anything they want, 'ceptin' Alice, of course.  The narrative also tells of his experience on the legendary Group W bench with all the miscreants who weren't moral enough to join the army.  If you doubt me, just for giggles, google "Group W Bench" and check out all the urban dictionary explanations of this term.

The legendary John Barleycorn bar was just off the California Street Cable Car line at Larkin Street.  As you walked into the door, you immediately walked into a litle alcove that provided extra drink and elbow space for those standing just behind the bar.  This alcove forced you to turn right to enter the bar.  After this turn, you would be facing the very eclectic juke box and to your immediate right, along the outside wall were former Cable Car benches, formed into an "L" shape with two tables.  The table at the "L" was a prime location and the whole area was officially referred to as the "Group W" bench.

It was a particularly busy Saturday night in the old JB and all the regulars were there plus a collection of casual party goers.  Larry was working the bar and he was breaking in a new cocktail waitress.  I was at the Group W corner (table one if I remember correctly) with friends Steve, Charlotte and Lesley.  Our waitress was there to nervously take down our orders.

Steve ordered first and he ordered a Vodka Cranberry.  Without thinking, Charlotte ordered a Cape Cod.  I'm next to order and realize that a Cape Cod is just the cocktail name for a Vodka Cranberry, and they've both just ordered the same drink.  OK, I'll play your silly little game and give my order for a Sea Breeze and please hold the Grapefruit Juice, or just a vodka cranberry please.  Lesley starts to giggle and catches on.  She turns to the new waitress and orders a Madras and please hold the orange juice, or a Vodka Cranberry.

We all giggle as we watch the waitress work her way back to her station which was just behind the bar and she leans in to give Larry her order.  We watch her read from her notes.  We also see Larry look quizically and we read his lips as, "Who ordered these?"  She points over to us and his eyes sparkle and he just shakes his head, but he immediately knows he wants to play the game also.  He holds a giggle in, and crafts four (4) vodka cranberries.

He puts one straw in the first drink and tells the waitress, "OK, one straw is the Vodka Cranberry."  The Cape Cod got two straws, the Sea Breeze hold the grapefruit got three straws and finally, the Madras hold the OJ got four straws.  He makes the waitress repeat the order to verify she had it correct, all while stifling a giggle.  She balances her tray with four drinks while working the room over to us.  Somehow she doesn't notice that all four drinks are all the same color of red.  She reads her list and hands the Vodka Cranberry to Steve and the Cape Cod to Charlotte.  I get my Sea Breeze hold the grapefruit and taste it.  I immediately gag a little and say, "Wait.  This is the Cape Cod"  Charlotte and I exchange drinks and the waitress apologizes to us.

Team Lesley sips her Madras hold the OJ and plays along.  "No, I've got the Cape Cod. You must have the Vodka Cranberry and we all switch drinks again, all making the waitress  aghast at her mistake.  We also see Larry hysterical behind the bar and completely enjoying the Marx Brothers routine we had going on at the Group W Bench.  We pull off one more drink switch and convince our rookie waitress that she finally got the drink orders correct.

We can't keep it going any longer and we break cover and explained what had just happened.  We paid and gave her a huge tip which made her completely forgive us.

That was life on the Group W Bench.  My only regret was we didn't have a fifth so we could have added a Cosmo on the rocks, please.