F Star Star Starring in a Limo

It is common knowledge that people who seldom rent limos think that most fantasize about having sex in them.  With years of experience, as a driver mind you, I can honestly say I’ve seen it all but very rarely with the Full Monty.

Until this last Friday that is when a new twist was added.

I had picked up 3 very nice couples at their house in the Guerneville area of the Russian River, here in Northern California.  I was in our brand new Lincoln MKT white stretch and it is a very beautiful automobile.  Their plans were to hit a bar in the area, then off to dinner in Sebastopol and to be finally dropped back home to continue the birthday party.  Probably no more than 40 miles of driving all night.

All was uneventful until the ride home.  They were in a boisterous mood after many cocktails at the bar, wine and cocktails at dinner and then champagne in the car, including two bottles of a very nice Veuve Cliqcuot, the personal favorite of Captain Louis Reynault, Claude Rains’ greatest role from Casablanca.

They controlled the music thru a blue tooth connection and up to now, it had been a fabulous mix of Grateful Dead, Little Feat, Neil Young and the seldom heard Richard Thompson.  All sorts of my kind of music.

Suddenly, it was changed to a loud, pulsating disco tune and one of the ladies decided it was time to liven up this party.  She started dancing up and down the aisle and the other 5 in the back loved it.  On occasion, while maintaining my safe driving, I would sneak a peek, and I approved.

While dancing she then faces the side the limo where there is a stocked bar. She bends and grabs the foot rail and launches herself into a hand stand in this crowded and limited space of the limo.  Her loose fitting dress follows the laws of gravity and, well, let’s just say, imagination was not needed.

She then deftly bends and plants her feet on the top of the bench seat of the opposite side of the limo, straddling her partner’s head forming a perfect arch.  She then wiggles herself all over her partner’s face.

The other two couples are hysterical.  I’m starting  to not pay attention to my safe driving.  Lucky for all parties, I arrived at their house within 2 minutes.  

I park, grab my clipboard for final signatures and exit the vehicle.  I walk to the back of the limo, open the rear hatch to collect coats and belongings and wait.  I didn’t wish to intrude on the goings on.  From the rear of the vehicle, I cannot see inside.

A door opens and two of the couples exit.  The host for the evening, Charlie, approaches me and the remaining three head into the house.  Our fun loving couple remain in the vehicle.

The suspension of the limo is firm so the “If the limo is a-rocking, don’t a-bother to a-knocking” rule is only slightly noticeable.

Charlie and I stand opposite each other and I’ve got clipboard in hand.  We just stand there, at the back of the vehicle, silently looking at each other and, quietly, we shake our heads.

I state, “You are aware that I can’t write down an end time, until all parties have exited the vehicle, aren’t you?”

“Yep,” he replies while slowly nodding his head.

Another pause.

“And you are being billed for this.” I add.

Another “Yep.”

“At about $200 bucks an hour.”

“Yep. He’s the birthday boy, so what can I do?”

Another pause.  We both stifle giggles. I notice a motorcycle parked close by and ask,  “Do you ride?”

“Yes, just finished a week long run up to Washington.  It was fantastic.”  We now talk motorcycles for the longest time, while we stand by the rear of the limo.

The limo door opens and the brother exits. He waves at me, winks at his brother and heads up and into the house.

Finally, she exits the car in one amazingly graceful, cat-like leap, purrs up to us and we both get sweet kisses on the cheek.  She pivots magically and dances, swirls, floats her way across the street and up and into the house, disappearing from our sight, lingering in our memory and leaving just a hint of perfume in her wake.

I look at Charlie and then my watch and say, “Charlie, I mark it as 11:06pm”  I enter it on my paperwork and Charlie signed it.  We then thanked each other for an outstanding evening and he handed me a very gracious token of his appreciation.